Hoisting the lasso and rounding up the herd.

A few things this week that brought the feminist out of this femininist:

• Generation AA has so much to look forward to! Supreme Court Justice Samuel Alito assures students that the number of female justices are on the rise - in a generation or so. [link]
• "Slutty Classmate Aborts by Accident," on the next Veronica Mars! The questionably popular television show, Veronica Mars, makes a very big misstep in revealing its judgmental, misinformed political agenda - confusing the thousands of young women who watch the show as to the difference between RU-486 and the morning-after pill. And labeling her "promiscuous" for getting pregnant in the process. [link]
• Rape is fun, fun, for everyone! Apparently, a certain college writer thinks that "rape is a magical experience that benifits society as a whole [spelling errors his, not mine]." Oh, and if that's not enough to make you wish your vagina came equipped with twelve-inch fangs, try this on for size: "In actuality rape advantages can very much be seen today. Take ugly women for example. If it weren’t for rape, how would they ever know the joys of intercourse with a man who isn’t drunk? In a society as plastic-conscious as our own, are we really to believe that some man would ever sleep with a girl resembling a wildebeest if he didn’t have a few schnapps in him?" Uh. Um. What? [link]
  

What the Political Pundit Didn't Know About Politics

The High Archnemesis of Feminists Everywhere, Ann Coulter, who has jumped without abandon into the fray to crucify John Kerry for his Iraq comments earlier this week, is finally facing a bit of negative airtime of her own. You're not going to find me shedding any tears over that.

"TV political pundit and best-selling author Ann Coulter may be one step closer to being prosecuted for allegedly casting her vote in the wrong precinct in a Town of Palm Beach election."

What I find truly breathtaking is the juxtaposition of labeling of Ann Coulter as a "political pundit," meshed with the allegation of "voter fraud." By definition, a "pundit" is "an expert or opinion-leader, particularly in the field of political analysis." This would mean that, as a "political pundit," Coulter should be all-knowing about politics, right? I mean, that is what we would come to expect from someone who is classified as having expertise in a particular subject area, correct?

So, the average layperson should expect something as routine as, oh, say, the proper voting precinct to be impossible to botch by someone who is referred to in mainstream media as an "expert" or "opinion-leader." Yet, in all of her shining brilliance to make her vote count for the most conservative, most inane candidates that Florida had to offer up, she failed to notice that she was doing it in the wrong place. Sounds like an "expert" to me.

I would be remiss if I failed to point out how analogous this situation really is to her impact on the United States. Uninformed, criminally-motivated, and way, way off-base.

"She has been unresponsive. There's been no effort to provide the documents we requested," Anderson said. "We're not an investigating agency. We don't have the resources to continue, so I'm turning it over to the state attorney."

I never thought I'd say this, but I must really give props to the voting officials in Florida. This is beautiful, simply beautiful. Of all the people to catch committing fraud on the polls, I am most impressed with your discovery of this one, State of Florida. You really deserve a few kudos for this (although I have a long memory - don't count on me forgetting the downward spiral your polling errors thrust our country into in the first place).

If you're reading this, Coulter, heed my advice: keep your head low, and keep running. Your blatant mistakes - ones you can't weasel your way out of - are going to be wonderful press fodder for weeks to come. And that law you have so often manipulated to your advantage? It's gon' getcha! Only now, it'll work to our advantage.

The Network of Janes

Whether you find yourself in a Biting Beaver predicament, or you live in a state that hands out emergency contraception like cough drops (as all 50 of them should), both groups will find the blossoming Emergency Kindness organization of particular interest.

If you've guessed that it's a network designed to help women without access to EC get access to EC, you've guessed correctly. Ingenius, no? But it only works when we ladies sign up to adhere to The Jane Manifesto, and pledge to help a sister out, before they are failed by the system.

Apples, Dough, Cinnamon, Feminists

The interminable Stephen Colbert bakes apple pie with two esteemed female icons: Gloria Steinem and Jane Fonda.


Indeed, it seems that no one breaks Colbert, but they did handle him better than most guests. My only complaint here is that I wish I could trade places with Fonda, right around the point where she takes the cue from Colbert's apron and plants a firm one (two!) on his pucker. They forgot to add the ingredient of "jealousy" to that pie.

Sexy Ovulators, Coming Through

According to CNN, U.S. "researchers" (welcomely trumping the much-overused "recent study") have shown that women dress to impress when they are at their most fertile, essentially claiming that evidence of human ovulation may not be as shrouded in mystery (or clothing, for that matter) as we once thought.

A study of young college women showed they frequently wore more fashionable or flashier clothing and jewelry when they were ovulating, as assessed by a panel of men and women looking at their photographs.

"They tend to put on skirts instead of pants, show more skin and generally dress more fashionably," said Martie Haselton, a communication studies and psychology expert at the University of California Los Angeles who led the study.

Of course, it is certainly my nature to be initially skeptical of such things, since I personally have no idea when I'm ovulating (I can feel both my mother and my gynecologist frowning as we speak - "circle those dates on your calendar!"), and my fashion inclinations are primarily governed by whether I'm feeling ambitious or lethargic that day. However, am I really one to argue with science?

Writing in the journal Hormones and Behavior, Haselton and colleagues said their findings disproved the conventional wisdom that women are unique among animals in concealing, even from themselves, when they are most fertile.

Some animals release powerful scents when ready to mate, while others display skin color changes, but human ovulation is notoriously difficult to detect. This is attested to by the frequency of unintended pregnancy, as well as test kits marketed to women wishing to become pregnant but unaware of the likeliest time to conceive.

So I guess we've been stylistically outed. Damn you, H&M and Forever 21, for making those delightfully cheap and trendy clothes we want to wear when our egg is discharging!

MSNBC - strangely enough - expounds upon the brief CNN blurb, to its benefit:

The fertile women did not necessarily dress more provocatively, Haselton noted. "We did see a little bit more skin. It was my impression that the women were just dressing a little bit more fashionably but not sexier."

Well, thank you for explaining the "show[ing] more skin" bit. I suppose that clarification permits a little more insight into the theory. For a minute, the judgmental eye (read: horny teenaged boys and bosses looking to cheat on their wives with their secretaries) would get the impression that we ovulators were running amuck in our cleavage-baring tops and garter-revealing skirts. That certainly doesn't imply anything or anything.

"There’s a popular notion that when women approach menstrual onset, they get out their bloated clothes and they pull out their sweats," she said. "But we didn’t find that to be the case."

Even in the closing, I find myself again at odds with the findings. Clearly, these researchers are not studying the habits of myself or my friends, a population that probably represents a mere small fraction of all the ovulators out there, but still, representative in and of themselves. Unless they are misinterpreting me sporting the black pants during period week as "more stylish," instead of the "potential damage control" that I intend them to be.

See also: Feministing.